I know I shouldnt post this.
I just know it.

BUT
There's someone here that looks like another friend of mine....and its fascinating, I can't keep my eyes off him...he's hot....but its not an attraction to him as such, just what (or who) he represents.

Why!???
Such illogical thinking!!!

Me and Soffy and the Gladiator gear :

http://www.blogger.com/publish-comment.do?blogID=15215888&postID=112500127661021454&r=ok

Well yes, today is one of those days where everything feels wrong and youre so annoyed you could rip the head off anyone that's looking at you funny. And no, its not pms or whatever guys use to blame moods on. Its just plain crappiness in general.
1) Woke up remembering that I still have a 6page Text Analysis assignment due on Thursday, and that I havent started on the Bilingualism assignment.
And that comes from being with your head in the clouds.

2) Streetworkers were wolf-whistling at me and Will as we were making our way to the coffee shop, and that made me want to hit them with a steel pipe.

3) Life Lession #678917 : Women ruminate over issues, Men avoid them altogether.
And this my friends , is a scientific fact.

4) No one should be allowed to wear cowboy boots with the pant legs tucked in. Ive seen this, and I still have nightmares.

5) I can't prounounce iraqi names. I can also not pronounce cul-de-sac, mainly cos Ive never used the word in conversation.

6) I just realised, if all of our friends are going to Plett in December , Im going to be one of 3 singletons among *gasp* 6 couples!!! Fucking hell!!!! Where gave I BEEN this whole time???? And I hate the fact that everyone seems to think that youre incapable of getting a bf, so they shoot sympathetic glances your way. What if you just don't want one???? its varsity, not middle age! I think i'll spend that week on the trampoline drinking by myself at night.

or maybe not.

It dawned upon me that there is a glaring gap in the adjective market :
You can call a girl beautiful, pretty, attractive etc etc. BUT what can you call a guy except attractive and hot??? There isnt any equivalent to beautiful when referring to males.

So you can refer to a man's sex appeal but you can't refer to his aesthetic form? That's stupid!!! Because I study languages, this distresses me quite a bit. Its not like women don't talk about these things, in fact, we use alot of adjectives, just not to the men's faces. You can't very well go up to a guy and say " Wow. Youre so beautiful." It sounds wrong. Or at least in my head it does. Some help?? Please??

Should speak for itself

Fairytales.
Im all the more convinced that fairytales have had a bigger hand in our socialization that we'd like to admit.
I think they influence our very perception of how, among other things, love works.

I present to you the cases of Willow and Myself.

Willow
Favourite fairytale : Beauty and the Beast
In the story Belle is a curious girl who gets overpowered by the Beast to stay in his castle as prisoner, after she had trespassed.
In the end of course, his hard, loveless exterior sheds off and what's left is an attractive prince, with only eyes for Belle.
Now I'd have to admit that girls in general (although we won't readily admit to anything like that) like to
be swept off their feet by an alpha male. That he comes across as a tormented soul who has never loved, is an added bonus. (This would be
a good time to mention that Will had a huge crush on Angel , in Buffy the Vampire slayer, and he is the ultimate loveless, tormented babe)
We are nurturers by nature, so you can understand where this is going....

In a bid to transform the frightening and brutal beast, Belle uses tenderness and love.
The problem with this is that not all beasts are princes inside. Sometimes they are just as ugly inside as they are on the outside,
or, even worse, good looking exterior with a evil heart. This then falls into a pattern of trying to transform beasts
into the prince that loves unconditionally ; often with disappointing results.

Anni
Favourite fairytale : The Little Mermaid
Despite my fascination with wanting a green fin and having Ariel's supermodel waistline and flowing hair, there is more than I initially thought.
For some reason I always want what I can't have. Or something that is out of reach ; this could be due to "grass-is-greener_ syndrome" or
just plain competitiveness against natural forces of fate and destiny.
In this instance, Ariel lives happily in her mer-world until she gets a taste of something completely different.
She's fascinated by foreign culture and customs, and after catching a glimpse of a certain gentleman, the men.


Ariel pines, she daydreams, she wonders how it would be to live on land
, she's a bit of an excessive dreamer and a flake , but you got to have sympathy
with the poor girl.....
and finally she makes an effort to go search for her elusive Prince Eric, not knowing if he will want her
after she had lost her voice.
Risky you say?
Absolutely, could even be stupid.
But what can you do? There must be a reason why your actions are only half controlled by your mind....


So post comments, tell me what your favourite fairytale is and what you think the effect is on your life.

Yes Im a lazy blogger. I should be industrious like SoffyO...but the mind wanders. And so I bring you some humour.

--As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You........ Mess It Up.
--Better Be Safe Than........ Punch A 5th Grader.
--Strike While The........ Bug Is Close.
--It's Always Darkest Before........ Daylight Savings Time.
--Never Under Estimate The Power Of........ Termites.
--You Can Lead A Horse To Water But....... How?
--Don't Bite The Hand That........Looks Dirty.
--No News Is........Impossible.
--A Miss Is As Good As A........ Mr.
--You Can't Teach An Old Dog New........ Math.
--If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll........Stink In The
Morning.
--Love All, Trust........Me
--The Pen Is Mightier Than The........Pigs.
--An Idle Mind Is........ The Best Way To Relax.
--Where There's Smoke, There's........ Pollution.
--Happy The Bride Who........ Gets All The Presents!
--A Penny Saved Is........ Not Much.
--Two's Company, Three's........The Musketeers.
--Don't Put Off Tomorrow What........You Put On To Go To Bed.
--Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And......You Have To
Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As........ Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not........ Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed........ Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You........ See Pictured On The
Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind........Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like........Aunt Eddie.

EEEEEUUUUWWWW. Yesterday I stepped on something, and it made a kind of juicy, crackling sound...like only a snail can. The irony of this all being that as I freaked out and jumped away from the mess I landed on another snail. Someone should call SnailBusters.
Why do snails exist? (its one of those uncomfortable questions like "Mommy? Why do you and daddy jump on the bed after bedtime?)

I mean, what if it turns out that snails are part of a conspiracy theory implemented by yellow aliens (stepping away from the stereotypical green, there) to drive humans insane with disgust? Would like to hear fellow bloggers' opinions on this touchy subject...

These are my friends' links, im putting them here so i don't have to scuttle around to find em :) If you visit my blog quite regularly there's a chance you might get onto the list :) (and by no way is that a bribe hahahaha)

SoffyO

Tate

Mike

Yes that spelling was intentional. Thing is, I just came across a story I wrote ages ago (4 years to be exact) and I published it on Fanfiction.net. Funny thing about that is that you write an original storyline for an existing game/movie/cartoon etc. I wrote about Creatures (the game is now long lost and the company closed down) , and its a *very* long story, about 30 pages when printed out. Dunno how I did it, but its still incomplete.

Im posting the link here, *not* forcing you to read it, and keep in mind that I was still a young, green writer when this yarn was spun.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1852635/1/

If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Ok, after that angry rant, I think we need to be hosed down, so here is some humour I came across >> its a bunch of kids' answers to science projects and questions. (I was laughing so hard i had tears streaming down my face....but that's me, I dunno...)

THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:

* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

* "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the
cow instead of the bull."

* "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on
them and makes them perspire."

* "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they
look like umbrellas."

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity
contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

* "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."

* "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

* "For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and
down to make Artificial Perspiration."

* "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the
nearest medical doctor."

* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

* "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water
tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
this fight."

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

* "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

Damn those game manufacturers!!!! Recent research reveals that the percentage of females that play electronic games (this includes playstation, nintendo, gameboy etc etc) has risen considerably. So now "female gamers" are an official market. Right. So now, to try and fulfill this market, they come up with some utterly crap game called "So Raven" based on a girl's series. In this game, you walk around in a mall, and slap baddies with your handbag, and spray them with perfume to put them out of action. I don't know enough curse words to express my indignation.

Spray them with perfume??? handbag slapping? What makes them think that we don't want to whip out a fricken massive firearm and pulverize the culprit? My friends play Diablo and Warcraft and other similar games and they're quite good, so why the hell do we get relegated to spraying perfume at bad guys?
And don't go saying "meh, but Lara Croft is a girl" --> yes, Lara Croft is a girl , but she's also a joke because she was created purely for eyecandy. Bloody game manufacturers........

Thanks to Kirstin who sent me this list of unlikely sequels : (had me laughing inappropiately loudly in the computer centre)

1. Ocean's Three
2. Borderline-Inappropriate Dancing
3. Triassic Park
4. Upwardly-Mobile Tenenbaums
5. Thursday the 12th
6. Charlie and the Limited-Production Chocolate Startup
7. There Are Plenty of Mohicans
8. Four Bachelorette Parties and a Friend in the Hospital
9.Joseph and the Nondescript Monochrome Sportcoat

And for all the nostalgia going around ,here's a bit of a regression into your childhood:
http://www.80scartoons.co.uk

Since I have no news to speak of, a mere picture will have to do the trick.
This pic is severely photoshopped, so don't say I didnt warn you ! But yes, I know what youre thinking ,we are naturally beautiful HAHAHAHAHAHA

a visual break from the taxing words of the previous post
Again, me and Photoshop.

I think I have a inherent incapability to conceive a coherent argument. It usually comes out in bits and pieces, like the previous post. *sigh*

ANYWAY

Something I thought of the other day : Kirstin and I were talking about whether South Africa is more American or British. Theoretically speaking, South Africa should be more British because we were anglicized and educated by them , there are numerous places named after British generals, and English is still the language used in government ; but in retrospect, they also tried to wipe out Afrikaans, and we didnt stand for that. ;)
On the other hand, America currently exercises the most media influence , and we are bombarded by sitcoms , movies, in fact the whole culture. Not that there isnt British television. But its a case of :

My Family/ Keeping up appearances/ Smack the Pony / Monty Python
vs
Friends / Life as we know it / Undeclared / I'm with her

Frankly the big difference lies in the brand of humour.
So its biting sarcasm and off-beat humour vs sleek manufactured laugh-a-minute sitcoms.

And I'd prefer the former.

*edit* thanks for the spelling guidance Mike, South Africans are so helpful :P

Ok well not that serious, just some fragmented pieces of thought that has been floating around in the pool in my head (and will inevitably make its way into a drunken, philosophical discussion one day)

1. Men and Women
This is an an area that apprently never gets exhausted, not for me anyway. Recently Ive been watching communication between the sexes very closely, and that, paired with the common complaints from both, has brought me to new insights ::

a) The problem of women putting words in men's mouths.
Youve all heard it; here's an example :
A couple drive in a car, and a motorist comes zooming past, upon looking at the car, the man exclaims the following:
Man : "It's a woman driver!"
Woman : " What's that supposed to mean!?"
Man : "Nothing. Im just saying its a woman."
Woman : " Women can drive as well as men"
Men : "Well i didnt say otherwise."
Women : "But that's what you thought"

and they continue to argue ad nauseum about this stupid thing.

SO : the conclusion that I've come to (and this may be way off target or very obvious) Is that while the man is performing communication on a purely semantic level, the woman is tuned in on a multiple level - so this would include phonetic. The fact that he says "its a woman driver" means the emphasis would fall on the gender and the assumption that all drivers that drive well are usually male is underlying. SO while the male thought he made a simple statement, the woman pre-empted an attack of sorts and is therefore prepared to defend herself. The fact that the male does not react to the subliminal attack, leads to female to think that he is merely counteracting , using denial. And denial is a strategy used when the subject does not consider the female a worthy adversary or just could not be bothered to argue. Both these reasons would infuriate the female anyway.

But back to the levels : all this ranting basically comes down to : its not what you say, its how you say it. And I bet all of you already knew that. i think i'd write a full report on this one day , but at the moment Im too smitten to think of real reasons why men and women don't understand each other. :)

Seeing that this is my blog, I thought it'd only be fair to post some pics of the most gorgeous guys available to womankind (in my humble opinion) . Note that there will only be these two featured, because the other one is my personal favourite and I'm afraid that if i post him he will get a slew of emails from girls throwing themselves at him and then he'll forget about me :P

But anyway
Adam Brody (better known as Seth from O.C)
In a suit (*gasp*)
Stomping rumours that blondes are more attractive than brunettes :P


Dominic Howard (drummer from Muse)
Mmmmm
Not saying anything but that.

The alpha male of flat 6 : Wian
A formidable Radiohead collection to his name, we present this specimen of male to the online community, but sadly he is not available, because he is dating the lovely Benita (also featured on the blog) .




And on another topic altogether :
This is Nigel Pewterbottom
He's a grumpy git , and he once lived in my imagination, but he's moved onto paper.

Dear Mike :)

We didnt swallow any soap : we inhaled some smoke and whipped out the bubble-blower (those thingies where the stick has a plastic circle on it and the contents is some bubble mixture) (^@&*(@#$& That sounds so vague!!)

No girls were harmed during the making of this stunt :P

This is what happens when you mix bubblebath and hubbly smoke :P




Me and Thinus

Just to say thanks to Ryan and Mike - you guys are the best! :)

I have class In 10 minutes i shouldnt even be doing this :P

Being as inquisitive as I am Ive thought of a few (not so deep) questions (concerning the fairer sex) that I want to ask my male friends (and if any males do read this, Id love to hear your views)

1. What is your opinion on a girl that curses alot?
2. When does lustful become desperate?
3. Do women have to have pretty hands or nails? Would that be a bonus or a requirement?
4. Rather she be cold or needy?
5. Out of these options , which would you prefer? (or dislike the most)
a) The extremely extroverted girl
b) The sweet, innocent girl
c) the kinky, passionate girl
d) the realistic, logical-thinking girl
e) the dreamer
f) the elegant, sophisticated girl
g) the girl who constantly seems unaffected and cool


So there.
Please comment :)
*curtsies and runs off to class*

Well today wasnt much different from any other day you could imagine. To start a blog off this way is probably not a good idea but I believe in honesty :P

Well after waking up, having had a tumultuous night of dreaming of THE MOST RANDOM things ever, I find that my throat is a tad scratchy. I feel a wonderful flu coming on. Anyway, as I come down the steps (we live in the top floor of an apartment building) I run into my flatmate from last year, Thinus.

Actually I wasnt running at all I think i was standing halfway on the steps gaping (but trying to hide my obvious adoration) - he was dressed in a suit , of all things, off to a job interview with an accounting firm he would like to intern for. DAMN. I think they should instate a day of every week where men have to wear suits. Its not that I am particularly fond of them ,its just that women seem to agree that most men look very attractive in it. Pinstripe of all things..... and he was smoking, kinda looked like an ad for LaCoste or something.

Ok, just wanted to get that rant of my chest.
Will update when i have news. Or photos. or anyhting else I can flog onto the blog. :P

Ok so the story is , once again ,too much time, too much creativity (LOL I wish...)

If youre wondering who the bloke in the eye is, its Matt Bellamy. and If you don't know who that is then I don't want to speak to you :P
Anyway, here's the result
Its a bit amateur , so bear with me :

Recently I have watched a lot of films on account of it being the university holidays and all. All of these films are of course, inevitably American. Oh, are they ever American. Just when you thought I am going to start ranting about the stupid Yanks and their ability to make even the most tolerant of us shake our heads in irritated dismay, I present to you the topic of stereotypes in films.

I’ll take one film for example : “Pieces of April” presents the perfect example of Americans stereotyping every other culture and nation in the world. In the movie, an American girl tries to communicate with an elder Chinese couple. Usually one of two stereotypes are used for Asian folk :

1) Asians in California: garish “I bought this shirt in Malibu” type clothing , with the trademark upper-class camera slung around the neck, albatrossing them to the status of Tourist. They are also pointing at anything that goes by which is worth photographing , and they are constantly jabbering in voices that sounds like an agitated ferret caught in a bag.

2) The people in question stare at the Westerner blankly while he is trying his best to impart some English knowledge onto them. In his monolingual ignorance he actually thinks that English has to have some resemblance to Mandarin. Well.

But, moving on from the movie, Asian people aren’t the only ones getting pigeonholed.
The Britons are fairly high up on the list, the Yanks relegating them to various stereotypical roles :

1) The mad scientist. For some reason : “I will rule the world MUAHAHAHAHA” sounds better without someone rolling the r, and thus , the scientist indeed sounds smarter and more evil. Spies however, are for some inexplicable reason, always American. It seems to have evaded them that the greatest spies in history were British (James Bond, Austin Powers). Cody Banks doesn’t count.

2) The butler, as seen in Batman, Richie Rich and Annie. The frequently asked question is mostly “ Would you like a scone?” (pronounces skohn) This pastry seems to fascinate the Americans, so in every other scene the butler is inquiring if the master as yet developed a hunger for a scone or if he can bring hand him his cape/count his money again/run a bath. Ok so maybe the scone thing isn’t entirely true. But that’s only because they don’t know what it is :P

Ok don’t get so worked up – I don’t dislike Americans that much. But, if you can’t make fun of the most powerful nation on earth, then who?

NOTE : this is merely inspired by true events.

The two words that make many a Shakespeare snigger in smug satisfaction. Not everyone is lyrically blessed I had found out the year that I worked for our school newspaper. Will and I were assigned as Entertainment Editors. Sounds fun, but this mainly consisted of a school play that happened once anually, and hordes of puny punkbands trying to make a dent in the big iron curtain of fame.
They had the guitars, we had the pens…. Let the gigs begin.

Punkband one : Monsoon
This trio would certainly deserve credit for choosing an apt name; no other name could really do justice to three people dressed in rags and stumbling about on stage in a drunken stupor. With guitars hanging loosely about their overgrown, hunched shoulders and their fingers being too disorientated to actually find the strings. I don’t remember any songs. Point proven.


Punkband two : Marshinn
These losers did not have the vague decency to even come up their own gimmick – they took all the conspiracy theories from the 80’s and moulded it into their act. There were songs and images of everything from Aliens, shoulder pads, shifty perms and spandex undies. That is just……..wrong. Furthermore they consisted of two lean-beef boys : the one on synth guitar and the other on a keyboard, but clearly the latter had watched too many A-Ha music videos because he was hopping around and kicking and the works. And that is only the intro of the song. Feel some nausea coming on –the Entertainment editors spend the rest of Marshinn’s gig in the bathroom trading Valoids.

Punkband three : Stick People
Turns out the Valoids were actually Valiums, so by this time we are enclosed in a happy space, smiling vacantly at all the patrons. Needless to say I don’t remember that much from the band – they were so-so, more punk than any of the other bands and we were actually beginning to enjoy the show when during a break between songs one of the members of the audience stood up and yelled: “ Hey stick people, you wanna spank me!!??” Upon hearing that the lead singer, a tough-looking boy wearing dog-collar wristbands, burst out in tears and fled the stage. I am told he had rejection issues.

http://soffyo.blogspot.com/

alterna-chick gone socially concious. Everything you wanted to know about being as cool as a Tarantino movie

Ive gotten to like putting up everyone I know on the blog :) So here goes.

FIRST i want to introduce you to my newly created thingy :



Ok , ok here's the real people : Ive dug into some archives of mine ::
Here's Will, Suzanne and myself (in school!!!!)(art class to be exact)



Here's left to right : Emma, Pieter, Will and Charl


Costume party : Me, Elsere, Hanli and Jakkie. If you were wondering (and i know you do) of everything in the world I could have picked, I decided to be a maid. very unconvincingly. HAHAHAHA



AND FINALLY
here is me only sibling, Celeste

From left to right : Willow, Leandi, Me and Megon.
Taken at my b-day party , 11 January :P


Benita!


Kirstin!

IDEA!!!

Last night it struck me that maybe Will and Myself could make a movie , something like " A week in the life of " well...our lives anyway. I just want to find out if I can actually post that or make it so that it can be downloaded.
Watch this space

Yeah! Today's news brought to you with the compliments of PotHole - there's no pot like a leaky pot!

No but really today was kind of shite.
The municipality went on strike and in doing that, of course toyi-toyied to annoy the general public. They don't give a rat's arse whether the whole police force was there to try to regulate them - while housebreaks and raping were taking place, they we're occupying the task force with demands for more money. That while there are jobless people. greedy bastards.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway. Today I also didnt hear much from my favourite online friend, it seems that he is testing the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder..." ?

And to end this small piece of reality off, I will shortly be posting come pics!
Keep looking.....

Men in general love to talk about their wheels. They handle the subject like they do a certain parts of their anatomy – with love and comparison. And with a conviction that no-one’s is better than theirs.

We love men who talk about cars, because that is what we ultimately expect them to do on some subconscious, stereotypical level. What we don’t like is when they start describing the subject of adoration to us. Suddenly we are bombarded with facts and statistics that sound more like a monologue out of Star Trek than anything else. Not wanting to offend out better halves, we issue the obligatory awe sounds while thinking of how ridiculous we sound and how any minute now, they are going to ask us to repeat what they said. A dialogue may go something like this :

Man : I should take you for a ride in my new car sometime, so you can feel what a real car is like.

Woman: Oh ok – that’l be cool.

Man: (sounding amazed that his partner did not jump up and down in unsupressed glee) No you don’t understand – this car is like, top of the range, it has a…(the male continues to utter very foreign terms and descriptions that apparently has something to do with the car)

Woman: (sounding as appreciative as possible but a tad confused as to why the male is freaking out) Oh yeah that sounds really great. We should go.

Man: Great? Great!? That’s not just great, its ……(who knows what he just said) and Michael Shumacher has the upgraded version of that, so that is the best there is!

Woman: (even more fazed than she was, but luckily recognizes the name Schumacher so makes a duck out of the conversation as fast as humanly possible) Oh! Yeah! I would LOVE to do that. Wow, I can’t wait! (She feigns enthusiasm and then makes an excuse – something that sounds like a woman problem and practically runs to the bathroom)


Counterstrike successful.

Bottom Pic : Me, Eduard and Francois at some kuierplek - totally surprized by the camera, so the smile is a bit el fake-o. *sigh*

Middle Pic : Me and Willow (aka SugarplumFairy , Dominatrix, Will etc)
Me reading, (which annoys Will because she says that I don't visit her, I visit her books) This is in our flat, incidently.


Top Left you will see a closeup of The Willow , it looks like she's some FBI Agent giving the others a briefing on a dangerous criminal PHWOAR!!!! (ive always wanted to type that, even if i don't know what it sounds like hahahahahaha) (its such a good word/sound)

Ok , so here is me and Willow, we were going to
go out, she's already dressed (she's a little trooper)
and I'm not ready, I'm standing with my lemon drink thingy
and my glasses :P

Polony is one of life’s greater mysteries; right up there with Roswell, the Bermuda Triangle and what our Minister of Health does with her time. A friend of mine whose father was a butcher confirmed my very paranoid fears about the nation’s favourite pink processed treat : it consisted of everything that no-one else wanted to eat. This can include anything from scraps of fat to minced pigs’ ears. Not very appetizing. But, sensing that the consumers might become suspicious some or other time, the producers let rip with a whole slew of variations to disguise the fact that polony actually tasted like rubber ham. Now the market was flooded with curried polony, “french” polony (although last-named is still under debate as to what makes it so french) and *gasp* garlic polony. While the majority of the Durbanites may rejoice over the first variation, it makes the rest of South-Africa lurch to the louvre.

Polony may be the worst of the deceitful food market, but definitely not the only. Take snacks for example. Things like Special K bars, Muesli and Coco Pops are but a few of the culprits. Special K bars are ONLY 90 CALORIES!
They are marketed as: healthy, packed with vitamins and topped with yoghurt. What they are not marketed as: not very filling, not very topped with yoghurt and severely overpriced.

From food to their little consumers: according to statistics, children are the most susceptible to advertising. This is the reason that advertisers see children as little blabbering goldmines. This is also the reason why Mrs Smith has 5 kinds of breakfast cereal in the grocery cupboard : Joey eats Chowies, Mona likes Barbie Pops, Arnold prefers Brekkie Squares…..the list is endless. Don’t think for a minute though that kids are only set on buying out the whole of the supermarket – it extends to the (more expensive) toy market. The other day while I was walking home from class I tried to remember what me and my sibling did with our time. And into my head popped Betterblocks. Sure its not a very famous brand name but back in the day it was all the rage.

The gimmick was that it was Lego blocks, but only it had rounded edges so that the figures could be moved. Me and my smaller (more impressionable) sibling sat glued to the television, our dilated pupils following the shiny patterns and smiling faces that inevitably accompanies every kid-aimed advertisement. Up popped figures of castles, swords, ponies, rainbows etc etc and since we were suckers for anything fantasy we were sold. Now to convince the parents. To say that we campaigned like overzealous politicians on a fat budget would be an understatement. I think we even drew up a graph to show our parents that our current collection of Lego blocks would simply not suffice when it came to the finer art of construction.
And so, in the interest of peace in the household and good parenting, we were bought the Betterblocks. What ensued is old news to any parent. To quickly sum it up :
Day 1: Children in a state of near-nirvana over new toy
Day 2: Children mildly bored but still putting up “the face” to please the parents
Day 3 : Children now visibly bored ; parents are still content though, as all the pieces are still in it’s original bucket.
Day 4: Maternal figure nurses a sore foot that has tiny Betterblock marks on the sole.
Day 5: Children pull sour faces when asked to pick up the cataclysmic mess they made in their parents’ bedroom.
Day 6: Parents find Betterblocks scattered throughout the house like little unwanted eastereggs.
Day 7: Parents regret buying Betterblocks and Children start campaigning for new toy.


Hence, parents have to remind themselves with every shopping trip that their children are not the spawn of the devil. Just offspring of his greedier twin brother.

Since the arrival of simulation games there has been some conflict in individuals. In every instance, the game offers one of two choices : let the creature / simulated human thrive……or let it go down the drain. Not being a very vindictive person myself, and proud owner of a neighbourhood full of happy, successfull Sims. Recently I had found out that this is not always the case.

Upon inquiry as to why there are 5 gravestones and only 3 sims on one lot, my sister’s simple reply comes that the other 5 were constantly depressed and had to be put out of misery. “Shame.” I sympathize. “Poor Sims.”
“Poor ME! Do you know how hard they are to control when they’re depressed?”
So this brings us to a whole new concept, devised by my slightly evil sibling.
She fulfills the dual role of creator and grin reaper.
Yes, you read correctly, the GRIN reaper.
Smile or Die.
As long as the Sim is happy and productive , it will keep its place in the world of pixels, but beware of setbacks. One bad morning , and by noon you may be at the bottom of the swimming pool because the pool ladder has mysteriously vanished.

Another instance of this happening has been spotted with two of my flatmates. The phenomenon is not limited to simulation games, however. I present to you exhibit A : Flatmate 1 plays virtual golf. Swinging requires the player to pull the mouse back and then push it forward very quickly. Totally engrossed in his game, the friend does just this but sadly does not take in account how near the wall is to the mouse. After completing the swing it takes a few seconds for him to realise that one of his fingernails is no longer on his finger, but on his wrist. A lot of screaming ensues. Also a doctor’s bill and much ridicule from his other friends.

Exhibit B was luckily not injured that badly, but the same cannot be said for his computer. With feet up on the desk and the keyboard resting on his legs, the flatmate whiles the hours away playing a high-tension strategy game. When he’s not squealing in fright, he is fervently jabbing the keyboard in an attempt to make his virtual self move faster.

Due to this the keyboard’s space bar has given up the fight and is now deeply lodged in the confined space between the bottom row of letters. The mouse also does not come out unscathed. The cable is patched in various places and when you move it at a certain angle the computer restarts.
And they thought the year 2000 was dangerous….try 2005…

>>More Philosophy anyone?<<

Media is a bugger. Media wants us to think that Nostradamus from who-knows-where (probably Italy or Greece or something) could foresee the future.Personally I think the only thing he could see at the time was tomatoes being hurled at him because the residents thought he lost his porkers. Maybe he was’nt as brilliant as everyone wants to make him out to be.

Maybe ole’ Nos was a sad, lonely disillusional old bag with nothing to do but make up far-fetched nonsense. Nos probably didn’t spend his Saturday afternoon in front of the colloseum watching the gladiators with a bag of biltong, naartjies and a good ale...nooooo, he was busy watching his glass ball. (if he lived in S.A I bet it would have been a rugby ball, cause everything here revolves around rugby, and not the sun, as previously perceived) And then secondly if Nos stayed in Gauteng he would be hijacked and his ball would be grabbed amidst violent gunfire and a considerable repertoire of obscenities like only Gauteng-gangs can deliver them.

Moving on to Plato. Recently me and my friend had a very interesting conversation while discussing our courses at university.

Me: “You know, us BA students arent getting any respect, when someone’s being made fun of, its us.”

Will: “I know. But I heard Internationally BA degrees are very sought-after.”
Me: “ really?”
Will: “ Sure. The MD of Milo (or some other big peanut of industry) has a BA.
So does Plato. Or so did Plato. I’m not sure about the tense I’m supposed to use.”

Me: “ What!? Really? Damn, then BA can’t be so bad. I mean....he’s Plato for goodness sake. He became Plato!.”

Will: “ Do you think he was born with that name?”

Me: “ Dunno. Maybe his mother was set on calling her offspring after geographical phenomena. Maybe he had siblings named Mountain and Valley. The mind boggles.”

Will: “ muahahahahah. Yah. Strange people, those Greeks. I mean look at the Parthenon. Now its just partbroken. Partdestroyed.

Me : “ Mmmm....that one died an unnatural death.”

Will : “ Yeah I killed it didnt I..”

Me : “ Violently.”


Because the rest of the conversation was utterly absurd and irrelevant, it will not be continued in this chapter.

Socrates. Now there was a smart philosopher. He was also the first philosopher, so that makes him the smartest by default. But aside from technicalities, he came to an untimely end. Like Ozzy Osbourne, he was accused of corrupting the youth with his teachings. Very strange people, Greeks, indeed.

Greece. At a younger age I had trouble distinguishing between the nationality and the cooking medium. So my grd 4 teacher had to make do and try not to peal over with laughter as she read : The chips you buy from Macdonnels is greecey. To this day I wonder if she recovered from my revelation that McDonalds is indeed a Greek foodchain, and not American.

So what’s the moral of the story?
I have no idea, I try to stay away from moral-based stories. Your’e on your own here.

Sorry if the posts are too long, (and I'm not forcing you to read it) Its just some comic relief from my slightly twisted mind. And don't think about it too much.
These were all written a while ago, so I'll be posting about two a day or so until I run out. I will write more though. AND COMMENT ON THEM please?? I'd really appreciate it!

And shifting gears for a minute:: Bear with me if there are spelling or grammar mistakes, English is only my second language.

Go on then...nothing more to see here....

We all grew up with them : we idolized them, we mused about their lives, heck, we even had bedding adorned with their faces. Fairytales have been around since in the earliest times when the Brothers Grimm from Sweden started collecting stories and telling them to little bugg…erm…. kiddies. Ever since Disney came onto the scene this form of storytelling really soared. Suddenly Cinderella was no longer the caricature barely recognisable on paper and who looked suspiciously like your mother –in-law, but a 20-something nymph with flowing blonde hair and a waist that could only be achieved by putting on a gut-wrenching bustier and stringing it so tight it makes your eyeballs turn blue.

Personally I think fairytales are singularly responsible for society’s below par morals. The frog in the pond is now a drunken man hit by the ugly stick; the prince charming is a sexual maniac who , in the act of sweeping her off her feet directly swept her onto the bed and then did not call the next day. Likewise, Ariel is sans the fin, but plus the horrific cellulite and her voice has turned down a few bars to a smoke-damaged growl. On some superficial level we all hope that from the worst will grow the best. From fertilizer, a beautiful flower will emerge. Also a house with two driveways, a picket fence and a Labrador.

What would happen if we pressed Fairytales through the reality mill? Let’s take a look at Disney’s hits, had things turned out like in reality (well at least closer to reality than it currently is) :

1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Nowadays we think it’s hard work picking up a pair of socks up and cleaning the basin of shaved beard remnants. Try picking up 14 socks from the floor and eyeing the basin for a few minutes trying to make out whether the big ball of hair is 7 men’s beards or a large cat. There is an upside though : you can use one peg for three knickers (yes they’re that tiny). You can also make dwarf jokes at their expense. From the kitchen you will hear : “We have a small problem, Wednesday.” And “ Just wait a short while for dinner, Tuesday.” These jokes may continue until you run out of dwarfs’ names.

Thereafter it will not be funny anymore.
Then you can also put things on their heads. Like your elbow. Which will of course piss them off because it makes their vertebrae go skew and they DON’T need to be bloody shorter than they are. Honestly. But , in any event, she died of exhaustion, not from the evil apple as Disney put it across. She was put in a glass coffin. Upon arrival the prince gave the coffin one look and mumbled something about him not being a bloody necrofiliac. Needless to say he rode off into the sunset alone.

2. The Little Mermaid.
Ariel’s incessant “collecting” things grew worse gradually until she was admitted to a psychiatric ward for Compulsive Kleptomania. There she gained at least 20 pounds as she only lived on roast potatoes because she was absolutely convinced that it looked like treasure. Eric on the other hand, being a prince and all, bought himself Satelite T.V and sat glued to the Discovery channel because he missed his dear wife. He also hired a slew of escorts and had affairs with several Ariel-lookalikes. This, he maintains, was also because he misses his wife. As for Ursula, the sea witch – after being rejected by Eric, she decided to improve her appeareance.She went on to star in many BioSlim commercials and was later instated as spokesperson for the brand.

3. Lion King
The fight for the Pride got even more involved , due to Scar hiring the same attorney that got O.J out of his mess. Of course he sued Mufasa and not only got custody of the pride, but also a Beverly Hills address. In the story Simba gets told by Zazu that he won’t make a good king. Zazu was slapped with charges of defamation and he got the crap sued out of him. As in many moral-of-the-story idealistic movies, Simba vows to get revenge and does so by going to Law School for 7 grudgingly long years only to find that when he finished, Scar was already on the verge of death (paw cancer) ; and that he could subsequently not sue the crap out of him.

4. Beauty and the Beast
Belle and Beast got married happily. After a while things started to niggle in their marriage though. When Belle was lying in bed thinking about the previous year (the one when the Prince was the Beast) she thought about how much fun they had. She continued to fill in a “Is your marriage in a rut” quiz in Cosmopolitan magazine and shoved the results under the prince’s nose following a row. She whined about him not being the man she fell in love with and that he wasn’t romantic anymore. He reminded her that she was right, he wasn’t the man she fell in love with; in fact, he wasn’t a man at all at the time. And he accused her of not leaving his stuff alone, the roots of this problem stemming back to the “Belle touched the sacred rose in the glass belljar” moment in the movie. A huge row ensued , resulting in them moving to opposite sides of the huge castle and only speaking at dinner time.

This is me

The strange guy on my left is my photographer friend Erin (straaaange, he has a girl's name!)

......I probably contracted some form of eye-spasmic-syndrome because for the better part of the day (and night) I've been glued to the screen. See the thing is, this is a long-weekend and so most of the ppl have gone home or somewhere else that closely resembles that. Moi? Nah. I've vowed to get some work done (plus, my home is on the other side of the country completely).

But as resolutions go, this one was neatly snapped in half the moment I logged onto Muselive.com

Arguably the most addictive site out there for anyone with an interest in Muse.
Anyway, so on the topic of interaction....
Is'nt it weird how people can form communties (grouped by common interest) without ever meeting? Without getting too philosophical about the whole thing now... I mean , there are so many sites primarily focused on "finding that special someone" EWWWW, just typing that makes my eye twitch.

WHY do we turn to the net for dating/mating help?
Are we more people? THerefore we can't scout someone out in our immediate surroundings?
Are we lazy? Would we rather pm a dozen people than make small talk with someone at a bar/club/knitting convention?

If animals followed the same o.p, the extinction rate would take a turn up, if anything.....

RhinoMan : "Hello there"
Lady_horn : "hi!"


People. Turn on your pop-up blockers. This could get disturbing

Riiight, I'm new to all of this, so I guess this is only a test :P Will keep this updated with whatever happens, as if it really matters to the world.

xxx