Thoughts of a dying humourist

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Im all FUNned out

Ok well technically not, I havent had the roughest term in the sense of going out and being ridiculously debaucherous ( I don't know if that's even in the dictionary...if it isnt, then I present you with the newest neologism from the A-camp). The girls went out last night, while I was left to rot....ermmm....I mean study alone. THey did bring along their friend, Jenny (see picture).
She is one of those few people who cross the line between being irritating and being a prime example of someone who should be put in solitary confinement because she never shuts up. EVER. You can have a 20 minute conversation with her without opening your mouth once. (true life story..)

And its always about the guys she's pulled (about 10 in two months!) I tend to lean towards more conservative numbers so her being a first year and going on like that has left quite a bitter aftertaste. Speaking of taste, she also overshares. We don't want to know exactly how big he was and where exactly he touched you. Ew. Good lord, those conversations between girls are supposed to be ambiguous. Actual details are never really exchanged, there's usually just alot of teasing and speculation.

But enough about that. Im going home tomorrow morning, which will mean spending a good while on/in my own, wonderful bed.
And my blog doesnt always work! How annoying , I have to google my own damn blog.

Anni
10:46
3 comments

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Hey. Since im in a hurry, very tense and very much not concentrating on the proper things at the moment, I decided to come blog. Just a thought, while I was reading up about the female subjectivity and the changing of male identity as a result : You've all heard of the metrosexual, now make way for the worse version : the Mirl. Male Girl. He primps and preens like you wouldnt believe. Has dozens of fake tan lotions, eye creams, night creams, goes for pedicures, facials, you name it.
Now personally, I hate it. Blokes are blokes and women are women. I don't think im being closed minded when i say that the day my boyfriend tells me “We should totally get manicures together.” I will kill him. Whether its out of fear or rage, is yet to be debated.
I have to say i don't have a problem with massages and guys using moisturizer and face wash because, to be fair, its skincare. If you look after your skin its not primping.
How far would you go? As a male, would you indulge in traditionally girly things?
And here's another thought that popped up very unceremoniously while I was trying to concentrate. What if you had the opposite gender's body for 3 days? Being a curious and at the same time frank girl when it comes to odd conversation topics, here's my list: (a bit of it may seem un-ladylike but bear with me)
First order of business, I would grow stubble. Lovely, hard stubble. Then feel my face every so often to appreciate the wonderful texture.
Secondly I would walk around topless. Sure I can do that now, but its not socially acceptable. It doesnt matter how many men say otherwise :P
I would drink litres of water so that I can stand as far away from the loo as possible while I try and get the hang of aiming and handling with the formidable man hose.
After that I'd try and test out the functions. And I do mean all of them.
This is purely so that when I turn into a woman again, I know what feels like what and how much it (really) hurts when you receive a botch to the crotch. Because sometimes you gotta wonder whether theyre looking for sympathy and whether it really hurts that much.Fun stuff.

Anni
14:39
4 comments

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Meet The Girls

I know you've been anxiously awaiting some pictures.. (I can see you yawning already)...so here are the girls that frequent the flat (and incidently , the ones who live there).

Ok let's see. First picture (the dark one) is Belinda and myself before bedtime.

In the green bed (mine..!) is Louise, annexing it.
Below that is Jinx, in the red, being made up by Suzanne (not a flatmate but a regular)

The photo where the blonde hair is sticking out...well there's Jenny in the background. A regular in the flat, once again.

The blonde girl on the steps is Belinda.
Two girls on the next pic : The one on the right is Nicky.

And lastly, the group pic at the bottom features, Bianca (the blonde one) - another regular.

Anni
21:44
1 comments

Saturday, March 25, 2006

post bovine depression

So hopefully you've all recovered from the shock that cows are being elevated to caricatures.
Im off to do some boring and mindwrangling work about erotica in the latest novel that the Afr Dept is shoving down our semi-educated throats.

Things you might want to say to people , when you know you arent supposed to say it, but its just begging for it to be said (and THAT my friends, is how you reason in a circular manner)

1. Yes. Your bum looks huge. Is that a watermelon? Cos if it is...well...its a sizeable watermelon. And it really doesnt look nice when your boobs are coming out of your top in all directions. Its supposed to be called "cleavage" , not "everywhereage".

2. Yes I think youre a bad person for saying that. You should get down on your knees in passing traffic and let people whack you with a paddle each time they drive by. Do I care that it will cause a traffic jam? No. because youre a bad person.

3. No I don't like that. And it doesnt matter how much your previous little wenches liked it, I don't. And when I said I didnt want you to touch me even if it was with a 2metre long prodding pole, I really meant don't touch me with anything. Because youre gross and can't take a rejection.. And youre hairy and you drank way too much to have claimed that im pretty and really mean it you bastard.

Im not angry, mind you.
Just tired and hopeless in terms of my academic work looming.
but i still luuuurve you guys enough to post nonsense.

Anni
19:16
0 comments

Friday, March 24, 2006

Tucows? No LOTSA cows!!!! muahahahaha ( evil laughter)
See now this happens when you have a bored hand , a fineliner and an imagination that won't stop conjuring up things.

These are 3 of the cows in my little black book. (when you open the picture, click on the magnifying glass otherwise it looks a bit distorted) And yes, I know I have a skew handwriting. But I love it.

Anni
22:18
6 comments

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Fun Things To Do While You Wait For The Tagboard To Update Without Actually Reading My Posts

Click on these to do them yourself. Am i starting an epidemic? Im not popular enough, so no.

(Don't I know it......!)

Funny variants of viruses --> Virus Humour

Parody songs (needs speakers)

Your extended Birthdate Report

Eric Conveys An Emotion. Watch an Asian guy do faces (tip - scroll down the bar to see the funny ones)

I can't believe they invented that! Real Patents from the entertaining American goofballs.

Anni
20:33
3 comments

Lyrical Lilt

Well...it seems since EJ's arrival the blog's been bustling...yay!
Respect to the bored journo's of the world!

I would highly recommend Katie Melua's music. Im not exactly a music boff, but its very relaxed and jazzy - the woman has a beautiful voice, very clear and soothing. Especially "I cried for you" on her second cd, its great for when its very late at night and youre looking for inspiration to write. (Cue me sitting in front of a screen with half a paragraph into a story....)
I say we hook up David Gray with Katie. Out of that relationship will come the music genius of the world, probably only rivalling our Mattocaster, Mr Bellamy himself. (And kudos to Mr Yorke, who has begun growing signs of becoming less freaky-looking after I listened to "Fog" live a few times.) (Look me straight in the eye and tell me he doesnt look like a mouse....)

Wait that gives me an idea. Matt as a evil elf. Come on!!! Its as close as youre going to get!
Better start up that Photoshop......

Anni
13:00
0 comments

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Look at my sibling!!!
(im going to walk around with a paper bag over my head this coming holiday, or at least insist that she was adopted from a supermodel.)

Anni
19:06
6 comments

Straight from the red pump.

Last night I thought I was dying. No really, I did. I woke up at
2 with excrutiating abdomen pains and it was painful to move. So
I looked up the symptoms of appendicitis and it fit the bill perfectly.
Acute appendicitis could cause you to die, if you didnt know.
And so I took painpills and lay there in my bed thinking "Good grief, I can't die now."
"I havent done anything with my life."
My mind kept going back to my family at home, and here's a surprise, someone
who I hold dear in my affections. And I thought :
"I havent even had kids. Gotten married. Lived with the man of my dreams."
Shit this sucks! I don't want to die now!"

This morning im still in considerable pain, but its died down to something bearable.
Ok on to something else (how depressing...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was thinking. (Yes I know youre going to say, wow, that's rare, but bare with me)
In terms of people fitting together as a couple , do you think there's something
like "too much alike?"

The thing is, if you have a love for the same type of humour (say, silly humour) youre bound
to like the same things, like dressing up like superheroes or put shaving cream in people's hands
while they sleep.

SO--> At which point does one's love interest become too "buddy"? ANd is there such a phenomenon?
You look at your love interest in a romantic way, but can you marry the idea of best friend and girlfriend?
I need answers from you smart people.

Anni
13:34
4 comments

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Before I begin another meaningless post, I would like to start off by giving you a memorable philosopher's quote : "Moenie jou poep inhou nie, die gas gaan na jou brein toe en dis die hoofoorsaak van kak idees."

Or translated in English (albeit less effectively said) "Don't hold a fart in. The gas will travel to your brain and it only leads to crappy ideas."

Ok so a philosopher didnt actually say it. In fact, I don't know who said it, and how they indeed stumbled upon this particular piece of wisdom, but hey.

Went out last night with the girls for a bit, it was fun but they (1st year darlings that they are) dragged me and Nicky to All Stars, which could be renamed "Dance and Pull". So there we are, bobbing to some remix of an otherwise good rock song , a SoCo or two later. There was this really cute guy in the middle of the floor , quite a good build, with light brown/gingerish hair, some stubble and he was wearing a...jersey with a zip....on a heated dancefloor. He did have it rolled up to his elbows. I have no idea why Im blogging about this, but it stuck in my head. random.

Jinx was drunk , which was really funny cos she's normally very quiet and reserved, but sharp.
So she was repeating herself every few minutes.
I'll post something really really really exciting tomorrow, otherwise youre all going to start hating me for posting crap and you'll abandon me. :/

And a word of welcome to our newest incumbent in the blogworld, EJ.
Who we have yet to get a proper name for ;P
And I think its bizarre that we're both in Stell. How un-fricken-likely, huh?

Anni
16:44
2 comments

Sunday, March 19, 2006

In light of Captain Peanut's recent misfortune

Hello..
As Im sitting here, my mind is a total blank, I have no idea what Im going to post, but hey, arts students drag it out from somewhere. One thing we're good at : Talking nonsense until something worthwhile pops into our heads. And......there it is.

Am I the only person that thinks John Cleese's status within the Monty Python troupe is a bit exaggerated? Somehow he gets singled out , but I don't think his contribution to the group's material was that good or that frequent. Look at Fawlty Towers, a series he and his wife wrote. Sure its marginally entertaining (mostly because it stars an ex-python) but it really lacks the randomness and off beat quality that the combined works had.
I vote for Eric Idle. Who wrote most of the songs. I read a column or two that he wrote , and it's incredibly funny. (It was in FHM about old age..if you were wondering)

So in light of this, I wonder who else is getting unfair attention for a group effort!!?

Anni
13:23
7 comments

Friday, March 17, 2006

Anni
11:58
1 comments

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Official Worst Night Of My Life

Hey all. I wanted to blog about this last nite, but I was too in shock/upset to actually go down and write about it.
We (Will and I) went to my friend's bday get together, with only us and a few of her girl friends.
A little background : Me, Will and C were best friends in primary school and we kept in touch throughout high school (C went to another school). So naturally in uni we were set on rebuilding the friendship to its former strength. What we didnt reckon with is that we've all changed , and she's made some new friends, who we can't stand because they are like the Plastics in Mean Girls....

Anyway. Now C is a great girl. Never says anything mean about anyone, very sweet and helping yap yap yap. You get it.
So last night we get there, and the gifts we bought her were put on the bed so we could do a toast in the living room on her bday.
Everyone starts chatting and everything, and like always, it goes to the subject of men. Coincidentally I was the only one in 6 girls who wasnt attached long term. Cue some pitiful looks from the Plastic Camp. But Im used to this response so I shrug it off. Then the one says to another:
"That boyfriend of yours, (they are dating 6 months) he has a car, a house, all he needs is a wife. I think he's going to propose to you in this year. "
For the next half an hour they talk about marriage.
"First 21, then marriage, huh girls?" Then they giggle conspiratorially and you want to take a pick axe to their heads.

Bloody hell!!! Will and I were looking at each other in horror accross the table.
Are we the only women who are intent on getting a degree, a cushy job, independence and THEN get married????
Sure we want to get married, have kids , a wonderful husband.
Just not right now. We're 21 for goodness sake.
And one of the girls said that "There's nothing more attractive than a man with a great car." ....and has a heart of stone??

Is there something wrong with me that I only want a man who is kind and who I can connect with? The rest I can do for myself....buy a car, take forever to pay the mortgage of MY OWN house....
I feel like independence is something I was cursed with now.

Part 2 : C decides to make a bday speech.
She starts from the beginning, me and will.
"You guys were always there. No matter how far apart we are, we always seem to get together."
Then she says of M:
"You are my inspiration, through your life I want to be a better person."
Then on to L:
"You have crept into my heart and we are going to be best friends forever."

Am I being paranoid or did we get the raw end of the deal here?
I feel like a piece of her past that doesnt want to fuck off and leave her alone.

All this has forced me to reassess who I am to other people and how much of a blessing a real friend like Will is. I'm just really hurt. That's all.

Anni
16:00
2 comments

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Just a quickie before I start to type out my reviewing assignment.
Good lord those things are crappy. But anyway.

I just came from a prose tutorial, we did this book which has sort of a love story going on, strong poetic influences and an even stronger subtext of eroticism.
You'd be amazed how someone can incorporate erotica into everyday conversation of description of things. "A penetrating and unforgiving gaze." to quote the way the sculptor looked at his muse. Go figure.

So now I feel like writing my own erotic-laden story, just to put a finger up to the world to say I can do it too, you know. I dunno if i'd post it on here, seeing as my literary work has gotten about as much attention as a slug at a slugparty in slugland. (my idioms are worse than my poetry then...!)

I watched a documentary on cataplexy on bbc a while ago. That is some scary stuff. As soon as you get stressed out you crumple into an unconscious heap! And she was doing a ballet show, how the heck she pulled it off I wouldnt know. But hey.

Throw some storylines this way.
And Mike, I know youre gonna read this, but Im not giving my characters double-barrelled names. No matter how classy it sounds :P

Anni
15:02
1 comments

Monday, March 13, 2006

Factoids!

Now in light of me posting a year's worth of nonsense on my blog, ive decided to
share a bit of interesting information about what ive found out in the past week or so.
Keep in mind, its mostly about music, mythology and language, the three areas
that fuels he artistic side of my soul :P

2.Classical music is used more than we think: DJ Tiesto's song "Adagio for strings." - the melody used in the song is sampled from
an American Composer , Samuel Barber's movement of the same name.
In the early nineties children were playing a video game called " Circus" where some
blokie in the circus had to jump fire rings etc. The music is a electronic remake of
Strauss' "Blue Danube."
The S.A song that was created for the rugby world cup (perhaps in 1995 or so) called "World in Union"
uses the music from "The Planet's suite, specifically Jupiter, from British composer, Holst.

3. You've all seen the word Tutti Frutti on some gum or sweet wrapper, right?
Tutti is actually a musical term of Italian origin used to describe "All together"

4. There are many Latin words in English that we don't know about.
Liquor is a latin word meaning "to flow" , which roughly describes your body movement
if youve imbibed a bit much of said liquid :P

5. Now a tidbit or so about the greek deities:
Cronus was the father of Zeus. Uranus was the father of Cronus. Uranus swallowed his children
to prevent them from usurping the throne but Cronus escaped this fate because his mother, Gaia
(goddess of the earth) tricked her husband. When Cronus was grown up he got angry at his father
and cut off his genitals and threw them in the sea.
Out of the bloody seafoam, the goddess of sexual love, Aphrodite was born.

I bet that Zeus got teased at school: "Uranus is also your grandfather." (say that out loud)

Anni
20:09
1 comments

Friday, March 10, 2006

Questionnaire!
All in the name of research. Well not so much research as my curiousity but I know youre just dying to divulge something about yourself :P And I know these questions are aimed at the boys but Im sure Will and Soffy will find a way to comment on all this, theyre such lovely girls :)
And yes, it is because Im picking the male mind the hundredth-and-somethingth time.
(next time its going to be in multiple choice format) (I know these questions may seem a bit too open-ended and intrusive, but bare with me, there's a reason for it)

Complete the following sentences in your answer:

1. The biggest misconception about men is:

2. My perfect woman would accept the fact that I:

3. She's ready for some action but you don't exactly rise to the occasion.
How does she console you / how should she react?

4. My pet hate about women is:

5. The biggest misconception about women is (in your opinion) :

Anni
17:58
0 comments

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Any coincidences you might think you see are purely fictional. And I can't help it if the leads are extremely attractive. ;)

click

Anni
13:59
1 comments

Various Bits and Bobs

After having a reasonably uneventful day yesterday, I decided to camp out in front out of the idiot box with an ample supply of coffee and a mental block on my academic conscience. The latter only caused me to forget that I had a grammar tutorial this morning but hey. Kittens die, rainbows fade, people miss grammar classes. 'Tis all life.
Just as the screen flickered on, I saw Jose Mourinho (who is amazingly hot for an older man) walking towards the camera , and then turning to shake some guy's hand (a player from Barcelona). Ive taken to watching football. Well not so much football as Chelsea matches....and because I know you lot are commerce connoiseurs, damn americans and artsy types, I can say with reasonable confidence that Im the only one who was sitting on a beanbag last night gasping every time Cech saved the team. (which was 6 times only in the first half).

Now some LISTS!

List one : Pet hates.
1. People who literally hit the keyboard when they type. We know youre amateurs, guys. The character isnt going to appear any faster if you hit it harder.
2. People saying "I don't care what other people think." Of course you do. Only a small number of people really don't care what people think, and they shut up about that fact. The rest is posing and should be seen to with a splintery wooden stick.
3. Women ordering chocolate cake and sweetener with their coffee. Same goes for Cheeseburger and Diet coke combos.
4. Spelling errors in public signs.
5. People who stroll. Being someone with reasonably short legs, I tend to mission quite fast. My friends constantly laugh at me cos they say im running away from them.

List two :My loves.

1. Someone unexpectedly remembering your birthday (big up, Alex!) ;)
2. Discovering there's a Family Guy episode you havent seen.
3. When you remember things about your childhood. Like that fact that you and your younger sister put pantihose over your head and pretended you were rabbits.
4. Being hugged.
5. When a toddler tells you youre pretty because you know toddlers don't lie for politeness ' sake.

list three: things I want to do before 24
1. Go to Britain.
2. Get it on with one (or all) of the following people :
a) Dominic Howard
b) Teddybearman (whose real name is James, how charming)
c) John Terry
d) An extremely hot Spanish man whom I can't understand.
f) Mr Darcy.
3. Teach myself German or Spanish, or both.

More junk from my mind to follow eventually.

Anni
09:21
3 comments

Monday, March 06, 2006

Watched Pride and Prejudice
It was really great, despite the fact that when I attempted to read the book, I lost interest after the 2nd page and continued to scrape an Alan Coren book closer. (famous british comedy writer)

Humour me, but Im going to sum Mr Darcy up in one word....nay, syllable. Yum.
I mean come on, all women want a tall dark, unforgiving six-footer to walk into our lives and ineloquently declare that they love us, for no particular reason. And did I mention a nice trenchcoat and boots wouldnt go amiss?

The thing I love about the age in which it was written, is the way they spoke. They could traipse around an issue for ages, and in very colourful and witty language. The only bad thing being the endless ribbons, petticoats and being married when youre 15. yikes.

Thing is , Matthew (the actor) isnt that pretty, but he's got loads of sex appeal, which , coupled with a hardness of manner, makes for the perfect challenge. And that personality trait of mine (loving a challenge) has had me trying to crack the wrong nuts, so to speak.
And did I mention Mr Bingley? He's hot!

Ok so enough ranting from me.
I would like to know from the guys : like us women have the tall dark stranger fantasy, what is the male equivalent? There must be some 'universal' thing between you?

Anni
13:00
1 comments

Sunday, March 05, 2006

After 2 days of freezing various bits off, its hot again, this time like the weathergods mean it. I realize I havent told you all about the juicy stuff that's been happening of late.
A week ago, me 3 of my flatmates got the idea of going swimming. The catch being that it was 12:30 and the university swimming pool was the target. So we set out, with our costumes, hidden by layers of clothes, some towels and lots of mace, and walked. After much deliberation of how we would haul ourselves over the high fence, we finally scrambled over, with marks and bruises to show for it.

But apart from the injury and heart palpitations from thoughts of being caught, those 30 minutes in the water were amazing. Of course at such times you simply can't stop giggling from nerves, so every few minutes the silence was punctuated by a "shhh!" or a snorting noise as one of us was trying to stifle the laughs.

The other night we went out to celebrate Johan's bday (Will's bf) and it was great, we caught up with an old school friend that was now working in a posh restaurant as a banquet chef. Also, a fair amount of tequila and pulling faces as the vile (yet warming) liquid coursed down our respective throats . :P Yours truly had found what could be called a signature drink, methinks. Southern Comfort and Creme soda. Or maybe it was just that after a while it starts to taste good for the same reason that you can't feel your arms. Who knows.
Of course Wian's brothers and cousins and all but the grandparents were there, it was pretty good to see them again...Lol well actually I can't say too much because ive an inkling that they read my blog. So im going to say a certain person and I had a delightful chat over coffee, and you have to fill in the blanks.
How fun.

Except......I think I may be busy with self-sabotage. Or something like it. Actively rejecting advances from prospective love interests because im taken with someone who isnt exactly with me at the moment. I need help!
Please post comments to try and sort my mind out!

Anni
13:36
1 comments

Thursday, March 02, 2006

While Im here, to all you bloggers out there, SA's got a really cool program called Mxit for your cellphone. The gist is that it uses gprs to send messages to people around the world, you can chat and message and go crazy and its ridiculously cheap.

Go here and get it!

Anni
11:51
2 comments

Helloo....

Today started out crap, so bear with me, this post won't be shiny and happy.
Its my mum's b-day today, so I phoned her this morning and we chatted a bit.
Now, my dad's mother doesnt get along with any of her daughters-in-law, (a total of 4) , and Im calling her that because I dont think of her as my gran. It's not possible to explain exactly how the situation is, but I can tell you that she's never lifted a finger to do anything herself and constantly makes other people do things for her (even the smallest things like fetching pills from the pharmacy). She also tries to break up her sons' families by stirring and causing trouble.She even lies to her granchildren. We just all tolerate her for my dad's sake.

But anyway...
So this morning she phones my mum to wish her a happy birthday with the following::
"I can't wish you a happy and prosperous life, instead im going so say that i hope you dont have a long sickbed because no one is going to look after you."

FUCKING COW!!!!!!!
My mum wasnt upset in the least, instead she thanked her for picking up the phone to call and then hung up. I on the other hand, am seething from every pore in my body.
My mum's a great person who is a top class mother, so I don't know where that cow gets her ideas. It really upset me and as soon as we were done talking, I started to cry out of pure anger.

Next time im going home and going to drive to her house and telling her exactly what I think of her. And afterwards Im going to have to use mouthwash.

Anni
11:34
1 comments