Thoughts of a dying humourist

In the interest of furthering mankind's chances of pulling and then possibly taking the title for Best Kisser, Ive come across a very nifty guide for tongue sports. Written by none other than our resident FHM sex ed , Michelle.
I forgot the piece at home, but it'l probably be on tomorrow.....which brings me to a question, anyone got any tricks/bits of info they want to share? Don't start with this "no then everyone will know" crap, because honestly, at the moment we're 5 people on 3 different continents, so the chances are absolutely snitch that your technique can be used on the same girl.

Come on. Be liberal and nice and post it. POST IT! :P

Yeah. A post especially dedicated to say thanks to Mike.
For bringing e-messenger into light.

Sorry everything is so bits and pieces, but the basic idea is there :)

So last nite was fun, I bet someone, either me or Soffy must have mentioned that Benita's b-day party went down last nite.That's not all that went down.....but more on that later.

We started at about 5, sitting on our miniscule porch overlooking buildings and a patch of mountain. Heck, we even took a picture of Wian's fire (cave men.....grrr). We agreed that tonight was not going to be small in terms of liquid consumption, so we would toss a slice of lemon in our glass when we fetch the next drink, to keep record of how many drinks. Ingenious plan. Anyway, so by 6:30, I had 2 slices in my empty glass, and Soffy a shameful one, instead biding her time with numerous cigarettes, thus creating the illusion that she was busy. Smokers are *sneaky*.

Everyone arrived eventually, and by that time, everyone was very relaxed, perfect party vibe. The flat looked really cool, everywhere (empty) beer bottles and wine bottles with candles stuck in them to create some ambience. We took loads and loads of shite photos, and played drinking games, including one where you need to stick a card on your head.

Anyway, so midway into one of these ventures, I need the loo. Benita, thinking I was going to my room, tries to stop me by pulling on my jeans. Bad idea.
It took me at least 3 seconds to realise that Im standing in front of 9 people in my knickers and that I eventually have to do something to remedy the situation. (DAMN that delayed response!!!)
Luckily no one seemed to notice, but still. I mean.
And later Soffy has the audacity to say "Damn! I missed it !" That's flatmate love for you.
The night was great fun and I'll probably have some kind of picture on here tonight or tomorrow.

Our psychology lecturer is such an ass.
The first day of class, Will commented that he rather looked like a little Jewish boy, with his dark tightly curled hair and an 2cm by 2cm patch of beard on his chin.
I usually love the subject,but at the start of term , the first thing he did was ask the class whether they've heard of Akkerliefies. This is a site dedicated to female amateur models in Stellenbosch, and he said that he's a regular visitor. He also (almost) confessed in class (during a debate about sexual stuff) that he doesnt get laid very much. AND to hit the last nail in the coffin, at the test a few nights ago, he came in, and he wanted to hand out papers, so he jumped up on the desk, to walk onto the isle, but sadly after his jump he just stood there, looking like a complete idiot, as if he had planned the jump, but not the aftermath. So he climbed down again.

He's one of those people you just know was a dork in school. And I don't mean the cute nerdy types, the type who started his own "secret" Star Trek society and jacked off to Tiffany posters. EW. And now he thinks 'Hey, im finished with school, I have a degree, and Im so working this class, Im so hip, they just love me."

*yawn*
shame.

Seeing that will's blog is going to be up and running soon...
Here are her answers to the Questionnaire posted recently::
Willow said...
1.Well, when washing my scooter..i normaly think these 3 things...
1. i wonder where that scratch came from,2.i love u, tweety(my scooters name). 3.and then..shiny, shiny, shiny, let me take her 4 a ride.

2.Wel this morning i got up at 5:30, did washing, played pool and drank coffee!
Will gets up *really* early in the morning. When I sleep over she's up at 8 and im still mingering in my pyjamas at 11. Then she brings me coffee and we watch countless series. Has anyone seen Robot Chicken? Its the most random thing youre ever likely to watch.

3.1)Johan...(hehe), 2)um...the guy on campus resembling damien rice. and i guess,3) Hugh Jackman, dressed as wolverine.Funny thing is , there are now two gingers on campus, one bearing the name Damien Rice (named by us, obviously) and the other a preliminary construct called "Teddybear man" because he looks cuddly for some reason.He also looks like Tateson , which I find increasingly strange and disconcerting. Now originally Will was the one with the ginger fascination. Obviously she knows a few things.

4.mix of cottage cheese, basil and pesto.
There was a time where Will put mustard on everything she ate...and now its sweet chilli sauce, which is a hell of an improvement... There's also jam on fish, if you can believe that. I say the girl's tastebuds are crazy. But meh. what can you do?

6. scary movies that are really predictable and gives way to much clues to the viewer...well, that is, dont laugh extremly loud in the cinema at this time, people dont really like that, hey anni...hehehe...(cursed) We laughed throughout the whole movie. Wes Craven is such a dumbass.

Hail all to the genesis of The Willow and myself's addiction to all that is Irish.
(of course this is technically not correct because the leads are played by two Americans who do bad accents. Believe me people, Ive heard the real thing and it doesnt sound the same at all.)

If you havent seen it, there's a hole in your education.

you may now proceed to flood the comment box on your favourite movies.Or those you consider a must see. And Im working on the female list, any suggestions?

Seems that when you are supposed to be thinking sense, your mind conjures up surprizing loopholes.
Think big lecture hall. Now next to me is Emo Kid. I can derive this from the way he looks very tormented with his Stussy T, beanie and rufflesome blonde hair. (big up, Mike)
In front of him sits Hilary Duff, all post-smooch pink lipstick with bottle blonde hair and an airhead aura about her.
And the guy standing in front doing the talking is Joseph Fiennes mixed with Stuart Townsend. Yum....erm...not that I was looking :P
And then I saw he's married. Momentarily Im thrown...I mean....attractive young man...married?? (Well now you can retaliate with quips like "well when the hell do you want to get married??") I know I know. But all im saying is, not very soon.
He was like , model pretty.
Maybe Ive just read to many FHM's. Ive bought into the (generalised)male mindset of "have your fun while you can".
Or gotten used to my freedom. (which is good or bad, depends on how you look at it)

I mean, women want to be married and have kids right?? RIGHT???!?!?
21st century mindshift i suppose.

Mom seems to think Im going to get my degree, find a hot young chemical engineer and have lots of smart babies for her to fuss over. All that before 28.
And that is damn scary.
I think im having pre-settling jitters.
Or alternatively Ive bought into SoffyO's paranoia about everything.
(i still love ya soff!!!dont hate me!)

Seems like I have nothing to do today but potter around on my blog.
Well , for the uninformed, Im writing psych tm, but here is some stuff nonetheless.

The first one : Slipping
(watch out for the man running with the kid)
Play

and a particularly cringeworthy Idols performance , tis too painful to watch.
Play

SOFFY has challenged me to a boy contest. She is having all her days trying to convince me that Edward Furlong is attractive. All I give in her direction, is a "psh".

So now I have to post a pic of some celebrity that I find attractive and everyone has to vote/comment/laugh/ridicule us. And we have to defend our choices.
NOW the question remains....who to post?
I think everything boils down to whether youre looking for "pretty" men or men with sex appeal, cos the one can be present without the other. Personally I prefer sex appeal to beauty, i mean...psh...who needs someone with a perfect jawline???
Ive narrowed down a few people....(and Im trying to get away from the usuals)

Ewan McGregor
Clive Owen
Wes Anderson
Dominic Howard
Christian Bale
Owen Wilson
Colin Hanks
Cillian Murphy
Wes Bentley
Adam Garcia

it took me a while to compose this list....
but maybe im leaving some out.
And you cant say I don't have varied taste :P

Im tempted to put pics up of everyone, but seeing as the male readership of the blog outweighs the female by far...maybe not.
And maybe I'll post a female version :) (its gonna be much shorter though...lol)
ANY suggestions???

This just in : i forgot to tell you about an incident. Seeing as traffic was quite congested at the beach, our driver (who shall not be named) had some road rage, and our windows were all down. So coincidentally we stop next to a guy adjusting his wetsuit, and at the same time the car in front of us starts to back up.
So our driver yells "Stop it you fucker!" and the guy in the wetsuit stops immediately and turns around, whereupon all of us in the car collapse in hysterical laughter. You should have seen the poor dude's face.....

Hey!!!!!
Just back from a wonderful half-day at the Gordon's Bay - the place has such a nice vibe to it, and its beautiful! Benita woke me up with coffee and then at about 10 or 11 we went and got out little towels out on the sand, the beach relatively uncrowded. Skip a few minutes on and it looks like the whole fricken town has infiltrated the place, and obviously , what would a South African beach be without a group of guys playing rugby. Tis a permanent fixture.

Anyway, so me and Kirstin went to test the water, but neither of us packed swimsuits, (we were going to "study" hahahaha) and just as we were about to go back one wave comes up and splashes me full of water. Not the best thing to happen if youre wearing a white skirt. So I had to drag myself across the beach, past everyone and their aunt.

Had some delicious chicken salad and had a good sing on the drive home (no, of course we were'nt singing in tune.) (Im going to assume everyone is tone-deaf when they're driving)
Im going to try and get some pics on here, no doubt Soffy will also have a few, so for the full story.....
T'was a good day.

much love to the readers. alot of sun does this to you.

Change of scenery everyone!!!

I don't know how long its going to stay in this skin, maybe until I get bored or
get the hang of HTML whichever happens first ....
What do you think?

You got to hand it to the little guy for his enthusiasm.

Show!

Ignorant is a terrible thing to be. I was paging through a magazine this afternoon, and there was this picture of Gwen Stefani and her husband Gavin Rossdale. SO...this writer puts in the caption : "Gwen Stefani and Ross Dale" :D He's actually the very famous lead singer of Bush, and it doesnt say much about a tabloid writer's job skills if they don't know who the hell they're taking pictures of , now is it?.

Anyway

I came across my sister's profile and seeing that she's a total (16 year old) emo kid (any music where a post-teen male is singing/shouting about his crap life and how no one understands him and how much pain he's in , she loves)
And she states her favourite animal as her dead cat.
Now I know that she had a cat, and it got run over, so she's merely saying that she liked the cat. But it can be read as her sitting there with a half-rotting feline corpse feeding it Whiskas catfood.
I found this hilarious and disconcerting in equal amounts.
*shivers*

Here's an original one to make the rounds in the blog community :)

1. 3 things you think of when youre washing the car

2. First three things you do in the morning, in that order.

3. 3 people you'd like to make out with (could be anyone in the world)

4. Favourite spread

5. Youre studying : your ideal 3 subjects would be:

6. One thing that you find funny but you really shouldnt laugh at

And just so that everyone doesnt have to look at my face everytime they go to my blog, here's some more photoshopping :) [After this last one, I promise I wont post anymore pics of myself, its not that I like myself that much , its just that its cool doing weird things with pictures, mine happens to be handy]

One of the more spontanious moments of my day

Talk about peer pressure. Here's my contribution to listing things.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Anni (or Ann, or any other variation of the first 3 letters of my name)
2. Aaaaanicaaaa (Will, when she wants me to open the door)
3. babe (ok fair enough, only two ppl call me that)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My imagination + ability to be random :P
2. The fact that Im not full of myself
3. I can draw caricature cows

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Nervousness (and my addiction to coffee...any correlation?)
2. Being forgetful
3. Being a relentless daydreamer.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Not ever falling in love
2. Most amphibians
3. Being a failure

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. Writing
3. Coffee

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans
2. brown billabong tee (with a white logo, hence the shoes)
3. white slip on shoes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. Muse (lol you saw this coming)
2. Keane
3. Damien Rice

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Muse - Eternally Missed
2. Michelle Branch - Til I get over you
3. Damien Rice - Amie

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Going up to a complete stranger and making conversation
2. Sticking to a gym routine (routines and me are like oil and water)
3. Be less stressed about situations

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. No fighting about petty crap
2. Wit + intelligence from a partner
3. ALOT of affection

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I think some grammar mistakes are hilarious. (an unfortunate side-effect of studying languages)
2. Im trying to drink less coffee.
3. I don't fancy anyone at the moment.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Nice hands and arms
2. A stomach with just a slight hint of muscle (no six pack...)
3. A kissable mouth

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Keep my work organized
2. Stop checking my email and blogging
3. Get up in the morning

THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO:
1. Daydream (and LOTS of it)
2. Procrastinate
3. Make delectable hot chocolate

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing hockey when I get the chance (which is not much)
2. Photoshop and writing (both computer related)
3. Trying to make movies

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Not having to go to English
2. to be in on a plane to the northern hemisphere
3. a huuuuge choc mocha

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. A writer (of what I cant tell yet)
2. Psychologist
3. A linguist

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Northern Ireland
2. Belfast
3. Waringstown

THREE KIDS' NAMES:
1. Damien
2. Luke
3. Chloe

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Write a complete song and have it sung by someone famous (or possibly collaborate with Matt Bellamy or Damien Rice...mmmm....)
2. Go to Ireland and possibly Europe
3. Invent something

When? Post-literary tutorial
Where? Outside room 706 of the Afr Dept
Reaction ? Shocked, slightly bemused.
Why?

One of our great literary figures, Andre P. Brink, who is quite an aged man (who, it must be said, was very attractive when he was younger) (he's now 70) has got a 17 year old girlfriend.
This piece of incredulous info was casually dropped by our lecturer because he found it amusing.
One must wonder what the both of them are thinking.
An age gap of...53 years? If this was hollywood the press would have a field day.
Im too in shock to be witty in this post....

Can you imagine? (i just picked a female name out of the blue, this isnt her real name) (if you were dating a 70 year old, you wouldnt be keen on publishing your name either)

"You have such beauty , Lucy"
"Er...yes Andre, with all your wrinkles and sex obsessions, youre equally
attractive"

"Andre, dear, could you buy me and my friends some beer from the liquor store? We cant go in"

"Lucy, Im sorry. This has never happened before."
"What are you talking about? This is what happens when youre 70!"

The mind boggles. And the gut wrenches because its so damn wrong.
Not all saffers are this crazy......

Two important things to know when coming here:
1) The burglars are stupid
2) The beggars are smart.

And here are two pics ;)

The burglar

Some mixup eh?

Ok, this is one of those middle of the day curiousities :
I would greatly appreciate extensive feedback, because my immediate group of friends are tired of answering weird questions.

1. What, exactly, makes a bum perky? or nice? or whatever adjective you use to describe it being desirable. I would like detail.....

2. How much does wit/humour/intelligence count when being attracted to someone?

3. Smoking / non smoking? does it matter?

If Ive asked these questions before , sorry, and don't give that shmo about "everyone's taste differs" ....damnit, there are standards! So just comment, pleeeeeaaaaase :) Thank you. Your curious blogmistress.

xx

Ok. The other one was funny. This one is just plain bizarre.

Who : Its 4 girls, very wasted, but somehow sober enough to grab the headset ;P

The gist : The one hiccuping like a cartoon character, is Benita. The voices are all a mishmash so even I can't tell who's who. The other ppl present are Kirstin, Will and myself. The convo is in english and afrikaans , so if you understand both...well...youre still not going to make much out. PLUS the mike was set on a very high volume (oblivious to us) so everything sounds like we're screaming into a toilet roll.

Apparently we were talking about going to Dagbreek (a hostel) to fetch our friends, they were teasing me bout something , and some discussion about the fact that we know 3 Hugo's. And don't ask me what a diba chick is, because to this day, i dont know. But there ya go. I promise we're not always like this.

Clickety Click

Ever heard someone announce something like a special/discount on a supermarket intercom thingy?

We decided to have a go. If youre wondering which one is me, the one that makes an idiot out of herself.

"Could we have your attention please..."

Our semi-paranoid, but very cool blogmistress is back from a week-long excursion in wild Africa. a.k.a the Free State ;P

Ok, fresh back from bein useless, this is me going all arty :)

(and before you burn me about colouring stuff in, my eyes are really green, albeit not that bright)

In light of recent events, the blogmistress has decided upon a brief celebration of everything Northern Irish.

1. Their football clothes

2. Damien Rice

3. Their vocabulary

4. Their men

Here's to you : England vs Ireland, a 1-0 win for the latter :)

Just thought of something today :

I think each gender has its own drawbacks, maybe specifically in the area of marriage : consider the following :

a) Men are under stress because they are the breadwinners. Sometimes solely so. They are also required to protect their families. The have to do the fighting, the fixing, and the major decision making (largely anyway, because it can be assumed that the spouse will be included in the process of decisionmaking)

b)Women : If they start a family and decide to discontinue their jobs, ( raise children, that is) , they are relegated to more mundane tasks such as cleaning, cooking and bearing/raising children on a more micro level.

SO : It basically comes down to Stress vs Tedium.

Either one could be worse , depending on what your idea is of a soul -killing experience : to work for a demanding boss or to wash the same pairs of underpants 190 times a year.

I won't taint this post with my opinion, this is as objective as its going to get. So post a comment or two alright>? I would love for this to snowball into a debate :P

Who knows where thoughts come from? They hit you in the strangest places, in my case, while I'm a taking bath. What questions, you ask?

1. WHY is there such a thing as attraction?
I mean, not one night stand attractions , a stronger bond that incorporates all factors. So essentially the question is, why do humans get attached to one another? Procreation? We can do that with one night stands.
Company? Friends and acquaintances.
SO.....the question remains unanswered.

2. I watched Dr Phil today, there was this couple with the woman complaining that the man is a slob. Now we all have our things, we're all a bit sloppy to some extent. But this guy was beyond description. He admitted that he rarely showers or brushes his teeth, when he changes the baby's nappy he leaves it right there on the floor ; the wife says she can smell him before she can see him because he;s so damn dirty.
The man's response? The wife should pick up his mess and not reject him in bed.
ERR.......how can he expect that she'll do the nasty with him if he's so damn disgusting?? I'd sure as hell not touch him.

AND its a scientific fact that arousal has alot to do with pheromones excreted by the opposite sex. So your sense of smell plays a very big role in all of that. Personally, tis one of my weaknesses. Some scents wreak havoc on my self-control. But I'll leave it on that. Feel free to comment on any of this late-nite banter.

Of all the stuff on that site, here are the ones im familiar with (and use)

Ag ('A*g')
A multi-purpose word, pronounced like the ach in German. "Ag, no man" (sign of irritation). Can precede any sentence for various effects, such as the more neutral, "Ag, I don't know." Used by some people as a stand-alone expletive.

Aggro
(Aggressive) Someone who brings bad karma into the water. From Aggro-Aussie, when Aussie surfers were the most aggressive.

Amped
(Full of energy) Usually induced by adrenaline, feeling wired or high on fear, either before paddling into a huge ocean, or the sheer stoke of being alive afterwards.

Baggies
We don’t call them board shorts or Bermudas or other naffy names. They are baggies. You wear them when the water is lekker warm.

Bakkie (Like “lucky”)
(Pickup truck in US, "Ute" in Australia) Many people own bakkies in South Africa, particularly in the rural areas. "That bokkie and her ballie parked off on the back of the bakkie." (That pretty girl and her father sat on the back of the pickup truck)

Bergie (bêr*gee)
(Alcoholic hobo who hangs out on the streets of Cape Town) The word Bergie comes from the Afrikaans “Berg” (Mountain) of Table Mountain, where they used to live. Some still do, in bushes or caves. Many stay in the city these days. You seem them huddled in corners at night, wrapped in a blanket, wrapped around a bottle of booze. They are a colourful people, with their own mores and subculture. Bergies are especially known for the bastardised Afrikaans obscenities they screech at each

Boer
Afrikaans – “farmer”. Used to refer to any (conservative) Afrikaans speaking person.

Boerewors (vorse)
Farmstyle sausage or "wors". (Literally, "Farmers Sausage"). It is a spicy sausage made from hundreds of secret recipes all over the Platteland and beyond. It is consumed in vast quantities on braais all over the country. Boerewors is even sold in places like Australia, Canada and New Zealand to homesick expats who have done the "chicken run", ie, emigrated for fear of compromised lifestyle.

Boykie
(Diminutive of “boy”, having used the Afrikaans method to indicate “small”) Macho types or rugger buggers call their mates this, particularly if their friend is a man’s man. When a man’s team members are impressed, you will hear “What a boykie!”

Braai (as in “High”)
(Afrikaans - Barbecue (US) or Barbie (Aus))Probably the biggest semantic gift given to the world by South Africa. You make a braai with wood in a metal drum or between bricks. You cook your boerewors, steak, lamb chops and sosaties on it. With your meal you eat mielie pap, salads, rolls and other stuff. You drink a Castle beer, or maybe a spook and diesel. Sometimes, if you have got some kreef (crayfish), you will have a crayfish braai.

Here's the unofficial dictionary of words us South Africans use.

Note : Not everything, but a fair bit of it

Click Here

Today ,walking around in the shop a bit, I notice the ice-cream.
More, specifically, the long tubular ones.

Ive stopped eating them altogether, for fear of being gaped at by the opposite sex. No amount of distraction keeps their eyes away : I've tried talking incessantly inbetween, putting the t.v on really loudly, nothing helps.

Thing is, there is absolutely no way to consume the the thing without
a) Sticking it in your mouth and sucking
b) Licking it

So its really uncomfortable being watched like that, especially when you know he's
thinking "porn star" while youre thinking " rainbows and strawberry flavoured ice-cream"

WHY boys.....?

And shifting gears for a minute - have you ever tried google-ing your name? Turns out I'm a character in a Russian Children's book. :)

Yes, the 3rd update on one day.

A guy (who i am familiar with) just smsed me and told me " I have to talk to you"
This could mean a number of things::
a) He's gonna tell me he hates my guts and that he bought a voodoo doll to torture me
b) He's sorry for being an ass
c) He wants to know something unrelated.
d) He's madly in love with me

er...or not.
Actually im a bit scared cos I kind of blew him off , the thing just wasnt working anymore. *bites nails*

keep ur fingers crossed. I may post the update...

*update*
He just wants to see me again.
which is not goin to happen as its now going to be holls, then test series then exams. for the first time Im actually glad there is a thing as tests and exams