NOTE : this is merely inspired by true events.

The two words that make many a Shakespeare snigger in smug satisfaction. Not everyone is lyrically blessed I had found out the year that I worked for our school newspaper. Will and I were assigned as Entertainment Editors. Sounds fun, but this mainly consisted of a school play that happened once anually, and hordes of puny punkbands trying to make a dent in the big iron curtain of fame.
They had the guitars, we had the pens…. Let the gigs begin.

Punkband one : Monsoon
This trio would certainly deserve credit for choosing an apt name; no other name could really do justice to three people dressed in rags and stumbling about on stage in a drunken stupor. With guitars hanging loosely about their overgrown, hunched shoulders and their fingers being too disorientated to actually find the strings. I don’t remember any songs. Point proven.


Punkband two : Marshinn
These losers did not have the vague decency to even come up their own gimmick – they took all the conspiracy theories from the 80’s and moulded it into their act. There were songs and images of everything from Aliens, shoulder pads, shifty perms and spandex undies. That is just……..wrong. Furthermore they consisted of two lean-beef boys : the one on synth guitar and the other on a keyboard, but clearly the latter had watched too many A-Ha music videos because he was hopping around and kicking and the works. And that is only the intro of the song. Feel some nausea coming on –the Entertainment editors spend the rest of Marshinn’s gig in the bathroom trading Valoids.

Punkband three : Stick People
Turns out the Valoids were actually Valiums, so by this time we are enclosed in a happy space, smiling vacantly at all the patrons. Needless to say I don’t remember that much from the band – they were so-so, more punk than any of the other bands and we were actually beginning to enjoy the show when during a break between songs one of the members of the audience stood up and yelled: “ Hey stick people, you wanna spank me!!??” Upon hearing that the lead singer, a tough-looking boy wearing dog-collar wristbands, burst out in tears and fled the stage. I am told he had rejection issues.