Polony is one of life’s greater mysteries; right up there with Roswell, the Bermuda Triangle and what our Minister of Health does with her time. A friend of mine whose father was a butcher confirmed my very paranoid fears about the nation’s favourite pink processed treat : it consisted of everything that no-one else wanted to eat. This can include anything from scraps of fat to minced pigs’ ears. Not very appetizing. But, sensing that the consumers might become suspicious some or other time, the producers let rip with a whole slew of variations to disguise the fact that polony actually tasted like rubber ham. Now the market was flooded with curried polony, “french” polony (although last-named is still under debate as to what makes it so french) and *gasp* garlic polony. While the majority of the Durbanites may rejoice over the first variation, it makes the rest of South-Africa lurch to the louvre.

Polony may be the worst of the deceitful food market, but definitely not the only. Take snacks for example. Things like Special K bars, Muesli and Coco Pops are but a few of the culprits. Special K bars are ONLY 90 CALORIES!
They are marketed as: healthy, packed with vitamins and topped with yoghurt. What they are not marketed as: not very filling, not very topped with yoghurt and severely overpriced.

From food to their little consumers: according to statistics, children are the most susceptible to advertising. This is the reason that advertisers see children as little blabbering goldmines. This is also the reason why Mrs Smith has 5 kinds of breakfast cereal in the grocery cupboard : Joey eats Chowies, Mona likes Barbie Pops, Arnold prefers Brekkie Squares…..the list is endless. Don’t think for a minute though that kids are only set on buying out the whole of the supermarket – it extends to the (more expensive) toy market. The other day while I was walking home from class I tried to remember what me and my sibling did with our time. And into my head popped Betterblocks. Sure its not a very famous brand name but back in the day it was all the rage.

The gimmick was that it was Lego blocks, but only it had rounded edges so that the figures could be moved. Me and my smaller (more impressionable) sibling sat glued to the television, our dilated pupils following the shiny patterns and smiling faces that inevitably accompanies every kid-aimed advertisement. Up popped figures of castles, swords, ponies, rainbows etc etc and since we were suckers for anything fantasy we were sold. Now to convince the parents. To say that we campaigned like overzealous politicians on a fat budget would be an understatement. I think we even drew up a graph to show our parents that our current collection of Lego blocks would simply not suffice when it came to the finer art of construction.
And so, in the interest of peace in the household and good parenting, we were bought the Betterblocks. What ensued is old news to any parent. To quickly sum it up :
Day 1: Children in a state of near-nirvana over new toy
Day 2: Children mildly bored but still putting up “the face” to please the parents
Day 3 : Children now visibly bored ; parents are still content though, as all the pieces are still in it’s original bucket.
Day 4: Maternal figure nurses a sore foot that has tiny Betterblock marks on the sole.
Day 5: Children pull sour faces when asked to pick up the cataclysmic mess they made in their parents’ bedroom.
Day 6: Parents find Betterblocks scattered throughout the house like little unwanted eastereggs.
Day 7: Parents regret buying Betterblocks and Children start campaigning for new toy.


Hence, parents have to remind themselves with every shopping trip that their children are not the spawn of the devil. Just offspring of his greedier twin brother.